Crown fit for a Queen

Hiiii friends and family and beautiful humans in my sphere of the world! I’m alive and well, currently calling the breathtaking small beach town of Jaco, Costa Rica home. The past few months have been flying by, we’re already on month three. There’s so much catching up to do so let’s start where I last left off..

The concept of training camp in Gainesville Georgia sounded terrible to me before The Race even began. I couldn’t imagine how restless and impatient I’d be to “just leave already”. That month of stationary and building and foundational support was crucial for me and I’m sure every other racer on my squad too. You don’t realize how badly you need self-work until you’re placed in an environment that requires it from you. 

I read through Esther during my time spent in training and in retrospect I’m seeing that the beginning chapters rhythm-ize the season spent in Gainesville. Working through bundles of self worth struggles and navigating the heaviness of a question mark written beside “identity”. In the story of Esther, before you could even be considered by the King a woman had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments. Six of them treated by oils of Myrrh and the remaining six treated with cosmetics and perfumes. A year in total of self care. 

My whole life I’ve struggled in the self-care department; never asking for help, never wanting the attention to be on me, drowning myself in everyone else around me and avoiding the pressing demands of my own. So the beautifully simple revelation I found over the course of the very much dreaded month of what I thought was a delay ended up being everything the inner me was seeking the first eighteen years of her adolescence. If only she had taken even a minute to give herself the time she deserved and so badly longed for. 

Truth I found, written in the captivating wonder of self-searching, broken intimacy and reaching breaking points where the mind realizes all it really needs and longs for is Jesus. There is no timeline for growth. You cannot limit the time it takes to care for your heart and you cannot make yourself deprived from your own intentionality. Sometimes it takes a month or six, a year or a lifetime.

The queen seat still awaits. 

Gainesville sparked the flame for which my heart began to grow and thrive in unity with itself. To bloom in order to accomplish all that my position holds in the seat for which was meant for my name. And now, here I am sitting on a swing in the sunshine country of Costa Rica— learning to love the bones I’m in and say over and over and over again just how thankful I am for those first few weeks we spent in a tent. 

Thank you for reading and leaning into what’s happening in my heart and all the glory that God is crowning me in. Being molded and sculpted. Beautiful remedies. More words to come soon! We’re just getting started 😉 

All my love,

Kayli